I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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