Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
