the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
