i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
