sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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