that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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