that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize