Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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