Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize