9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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