Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i dont even know how to be here
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
