My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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