You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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