yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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