the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
