talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
