she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
