I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
