Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
