Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
