we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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