The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
