ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
