dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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