Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
