Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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