is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
