Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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