Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
