so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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