see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
