So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
