found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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