I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like death gave me a hand job
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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