I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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