one might say we're banned from that church
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
