I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
