dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
