"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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