i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
