i was born a porn star she said
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
