Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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