I love black thongs
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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