sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Those nachos came to me in a dream
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
