It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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