My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
