omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
