She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
