craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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