I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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