Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize