Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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