So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
