What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
