The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
