I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
