There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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