found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize