i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
