life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
