And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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