Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
