Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
