I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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