What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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