all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
