Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
