guys are only as good as the porn they watch
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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