i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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