I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
